Decided to lower my standards. Maybe that will help.

Sarah Palin is certainly a study in contradictions. She appears to be the epitome of the modern working woman. With five children, a high-stakes career, staunch morals and convictions, she is the kind of woman who likely faces tough choices every single day of her life. 

I can sympathize with her because I know how hard it can be to make the best choices–which are not always viewed as exactly the best by all those whom are affected. The choices she made during her pregnancy with Trig, and the day of his delivery, are choices that I, as a patriotic American woman, whole-heartedly support. Although I personally would not have done the same things she did that day, I do believe in the free-will of the individual to choose what is best for him or herself in any given situation.

Speaking as a working mother of five myself, there are a few things that have me in fits, though. All these rumors about Sarah Palin faking her pregnancy with her fifth child have me wondering, “What a mother wouldn’t do to protect her children. What a career-minded woman wouldn’t do to protect her image.” Hmmm.

I have a 19 year old daughter who became pregnant at 17, and while it never occured to me to fake a pregnancy so that our family wouldn’t face shame, it DID occur to me that my 17 year old was not equipped to become a parent. Therefore, I was willing to raise her child, my grandchild, along with my daughter in my household. It was my natural instinct to protect my daughter by giving her the opportunity to still be a child while also nurturing her on to be a good parent. In the end, she did keep her baby and she is doing a wonderful job. The fact is, my daughter’s choices were her own choices and no amount of my “help” would save her from the stigma of being a teen parent, or save her from the tough road ahead for her and her new family, or save any of us from the circumstances we all found ourselves in at the time. Further, she is living the best life she can despite circumstance and because of her (continued tough) choices. I couldn’t be more proud of her!

(And, by the way, my heart goes out to Bristol Palin. It is one thing to be a pregnant teen and deal with the pressures surrounding this issue. It is completely another to suddenly be the subject of national conversation. Imagine the weight that girl is shouldering! Poor thing. I just pray for her!)

As far as Mrs. Palin is concerned, I am trying to give her the benefit of doubt, trying desperately to believe that Trig IS in fact Sarah’s fifth child. 

The problem I have is–funny enough, again–my own experiences. I recall the doctor measuring my womb each time, and stating that it is very common for a woman’s uterus to stretch with each successive pregnancy, making for a more “pronounced” baby bump. It was reported Palin announced her pregnancy at seven months, much to the shock of all those around her. Apparently, none of her staff had any clue because Palin showed no signs of being pregnant.

Also, my labors seemed to get shorter and shorter each time, too. With my first child, I labored for 48 hours, number two was 18 hours, and so on until, by child number five, I was in labor for a total of five hours–that is from the time I noticed amniotic fluid leaking until the time she was born.

On April 18, Palin was in Texas scheduled to give a speech at the GOP Governor’s convention when she noticed she was leaking amniotic fluid. My first question is, “how did she get approval to fly from Alaska to Texas at eight months into her high-risk pregnancy?” 

I had an opportunity to travel during three of my pregnancies–none of which were considered high risk–and my doctor advised me NOT to travel at six months, even though I wanted/needed to. What’s more, airlines required a permission letter from my doctor if I did choose to travel.  

After her speech, it is reported, she flew home from Texas, an 8 or 11 hour flight with a lay-over in Seattle (depending on which source you’re reading), drove another 45 minutes from the airport to the hospital where she would give birth to Trig. (Phew! They made it!)

AND then, I heard on CNN this morning, that she went back to work THREE days after Trig was born! Is this woman INSANE!? 

I am ALL about a woman’s right to choose; to choose to carry a pregnancy to term, to choose when and where her child is to be born, to choose to ignore her doctor’s advice and rely on faith, and I believe in her right to choose when she is to go back to work.

But come on! I remember each of my own five deliveries and what I was doing at day three post-partum!

I WAS SUFFERING MISERABLY FROM MASTITIS! That’s what I was doing three days after giving birth! My boobs were ginormous and engorged and I was trying desparatly to get my babies to latch on so that I could get some relief from the pain! While I felt healthy otherwise, I was a bit weak at times, and had to sit down to recoup my energy. I was going through hormonal fluctuations that had me euphoric one moment and crying in bed the next! My family will agree that I was a mad-woman those first few days weeks after delivery. For me to hear that this woman went back to work, as A GOVERNOR(!!), at day three post-partum…something just doesn’t sit right with her story! As a side note, it would interest me to see what decisions were made in those few weeks after she returned from “maternity leave.”

At any rate, I will be watching the GOP Convention tonight as Palin delivers her speech. I am curious to learn more about this woman, in her own words.

Or, it could have been my (at that point in time) honest answers to the questions they asked. Again, I haven’t decided.

At any rate, I sat across the table from two engineers, an HR rep and a staff assistant, all of whom were very pleasant and approachable. They asked the typical questions, all of which I thought I had nailed. That is, until we got to the inevitable “degree” question.

 ”Do you plan to finish your degree?” The lead engineer’s eye brow twitched as he asked.

I gulped and hesitated to answer. The question ran the racetrack that is my mind, with all the bystanders of possibilty (that is, my doubts) cheering it on. 

If I answered yes, I thought to myself, how and when will I accomplish this? If I answer no, will they think I am unmotivated or unable to accomplish menial goals? If I say yes, and I do get the job, then I will be expected to go back to school. What if I decide not to go after that point? Will they think I am a liar? And, if I do say yes, how do I make it sound as if I really do have a plan to finish my degree, when, in fact, I haven’t considered the possibility for years. I don’t want to sound like I am disorganized, schleping my way through the answer. Shit. Do I intend to finish my degree?

My answer shocked even myself. 

“No, actually. I don’t.” I could feel my chest turn red as I answered, feel the redness crawling up my neck and to my cheeks as I continued, “at this point in my life, for me to go back to school would be a daunting task. I am a mother of five with a full time occupation, and I just don’t know what I’d study to make it pay off.” 

Damn it. I should have said yes. 

The interview group looked at me with surprise, as if expecting to hear  a “pat” answer to the question. As the lead engineer leaned in, I kept going.

“Before you think I don’t care about the importance of learning, let me explain a little. I believe you can be smart without having a college education.” I rubbed my sweaty palms together under the table. ”I am 35 years old, a mom on a tight budget~both with my time and finances. For me to incur even more debt in order to get my degree–which may or may not pay off– is a huge risk for me and my family. I would rather get a job that pays the bills and allows me the opportunity to take an occassional personal-enrichment class, like basket weaving or something.”

Basket weaving? Where the hell did THAT come from? 

The HR rep stiffled a nervous chuckle as she responded, “Well, I can appreciate your honesty.” Her eyes were gesturing what my instincts were fighting to tell me.

“Besides,” I added, “Bill Gates is a billionaire and he has no degree. And, well, it’s just that I have a better chance of making my millions by spending my time on more frutitfull ventures. The economics of getting that degree just doesn’t work for me.”

What the hell am I thinking? SHUT UP ALREADY!

The group shared a nervous laugh and a collective eye-roll as they hurried to wrap up the question-and-answer session. The staff assistance glance at the clock and sudden lurch out of her seat told me the interview was over. She herded me out of the meeting room and led me through the maze of cubicles to the place I’d sit if I got the job. This is where I took the skills assessment test. I think I did ok. But who knows? I was still reeling from my own answers to the question as I performed the tests. (DUMB DUMB DUMB…!)What’s more, I still haven’t heard back from them about the position.

In the days since the interview I’ve had a lot to think about. See, over the last 12 years, since I last quit college, I have actually entertained the idea of finishing that degree in communications, but I’ve always put it off, telling myself there was no way I could possibly do that AND be a fully committed mother to my children. As I replay my answers over and over again in my head, I feel regretful about them, and it begs the questions, “why? How would you answer differently so as not to feel regretful?” 

I don’t need that added guilt in my life. Really. So, to answer myself, I think it actually would be good for me to go back to school. AND I’ve gone one better. This Labor Day Weekend, I submitted my application to Boise State University and applied for financial aid. I go tomorrow to talk to a student advisor about my class schedule. Frankly, I couldn’t be more excited! In fact, I haven’t been this giddy since I wore my crocheted tam and chiffon layered skorts to work at the GAP and didn’t get sent home for breaking the dress code!

As far as the position with the engineer group? Well, if they do call to offer me the job, I will have to decline, letting them know I intend on finishing that degree.

 is the devil…

I mean, look at those eyes! I watched one of her shows once where she came into the kitchen after scratching around in her garden and immediately started cooking. She didn’t even wash her hands, for crys sakes!

Anyway, I need a good phyllo dough/puff pastrie chicken recipe. Any ideas?

Barry said, “I will not compete with the computer any more.”

Okaaaay. ???

If my computer usage were hampering my everyday activities, I’d feel sorry. But they don’t and I don’t. So there.

“Gas prices are high! Unemployment rates are up! Housing Values have declined! Foreclosures have reached record levels! The SUV is dead! High food prices cause Wal-Mart & Costco to ration rice! “

On the one hand, I am a bit scared by our current state of the economy. As a Realtor, I’ve noticed a very sharp decline in visits to my open houses. Heck, with gas at $4.29 a gallon, who wants to burn it up driving through new subdivisions, looking at houses? I don’t blame them.

Barry has also seen a dramatic shift in car sales. He works for Honda (the number one selling car in America…) SUV owners are flocking onto the lots hoping to get a decent trade-value on their Hummers/ Ford F350s/ Expeditions/ Durangos/ etc…only to be shocked when they learn the true market value of their vehicles.

Life as we know it has changed. Analysts are predicting a dramatic shift in lifestyle choices. No longer will we be taking spur-of-the-moment road trips or flying to far off destinations for vacations. Filling the tanks of the RVs and the 4-wheelers with gasoline will now cost the average household roughly $250-per outing!

But for me…I am looking forward to “vacationing” close to home. I plan to spend time in the garden, sewing and decorating the house. While I know it will be a chore in getting the kids to accept these things as “fun,” I look forward to the challenge. In sales, as in life, it all boils down to presentation. If I tell the kids simply to go weed the garden, I know I will be met with exasperated moans. However, if I say “Garden Party in the Back Yard! Who’s brining the sprinkler? Who’s got the hoe?” they will be fighting over the tools just as they fight over the Wii remote and nun chucks. 

Board games with the family? Heck yeah!

Backyard volleyball? Ooo Ooo, Me!

Making shrinky dink jewelry and Garden Tin Men? Definitely!

Gardening…oh baby!

In an effort to curb this family’s dependence on mindless and expensive recreation… I say, “Bring it, baby!”

BTW, when I heard about rising food prices, I decided this was the year I was going to plant a garden. I love Barry. When I told him this, he got out the tiller and he showed Griffin how to till the soil. I started the seeds a few weeks ago and last week, Mimi, myself and Barry planted tomatoes, squash, sweet peas, basil, chives and cilantro. Oh, there is also watermelon and zucchini. I have yet to plant strawberries and corn.

As far as our crappy economy goes, I am taking fewer trips around town, making a conscientious effort to consolidate my errands. The kids are feeling a bit resistant to this one, but I just keep reinforcing the standard that “we have to be smart about how we do this.” I may be in a dream world of my own, but I know eventually this attitude will pay off.

Being 2000 miles away from loved ones has its ups and downs. I was not around Grandma when she became ill, and so my memories of her are those of when she was healthy.  I know her health declined in these past few years, and even though I did see her after her leg was amputated, I still remember her as the spunky Grandma of my childhood. I will always remember her this way, and I think that is an “up.”

Thinking about her these past few days, I’d say the best memories of my life are memories with my Grandmother and I feel so blessed to have and to hold these memories so dear in my heart. I’ll be gliding along in my day, going about my chores and suddenly I’ll  remember another good time with Grandma. I’ll giggle out of sheer joy at the stories she’s told me about her life and I feel grateful to have had her in my life.

So it’s a bit surreal that I will never see her again. This is the “down.” It’s hard to process the fact that she has passed away when, in my mind, she is still healthy and full of spitfire. I know she passed away on Thursday. It is just now sinking in that she is, in fact, gone.

Last night, just as I was about to fall heavily into a blissful slumber, I heard my Grandmother’s laughter. The sound was so real, it was as if she was in the room with me. It woke me from my (almost) sleep, and more memories of her flooded my mind. It was about midnight and I got up from bed and sat in the kitchen, looking out the window at the moon and stars, just thinking about her. And I cried.

One of my favorite memories of Grandma is when she shared details about her life as a little girl. About six years ago, my Grandma Champine and her sister Barbara visited us in Idaho during the holidays. Over breakfast one morning, the stories of her life started to pour out of her like the syrup we used on our pancakes.They were warm and sweet and flowed slowly and some stories were sticky and…oh, I only wish I had a tape recorder!

She laughed as she shared the story about the time her father decided to pack up the family and move them to Hollywood, CA. Her mother (whom I learned was very gullible) reluctantly obliged. Three days later, they found themselves broken down in Pennsylvania. What’s more, as fate would have it, the gentleman who stopped to help them with their car just happened to be her father’s cousin.

Because I grew up so far away from my Grandmother, I never had the chance to sit and listen to these stories before. As we sat at the breakfast table, I begged her to continue and I learned so much about her in that little two hour chunk of time; more than I ever could imagine I’d ever know about my Grandmother.

She talked about her father’s wanderlust, how he kept the family constantly moving, strapping a matress to the car and just up and leaving. And if they had no place to sleep at night, Grandpa would pull off to the side of the road where they’d sleep under the stars, the entire family sharing the matress .

She talked about living in a little shack in PA, just down the hillside from the railroad tracks.

She mentioned how she met my Grandfather and how he’d pull the car over to the side of the road and kiss her passionately when they were first married.

She talked about her Grandmother Hooper, and how she got the name ”Hooper.” (From hooping bushels and barrels, of course…) I learned about her family namesakes…the Fowlers, the Hoopers, the Reeses, the Hadds.

After my visit with her, I rushed to write down all I could remember about our conversation and as I wrote, my mind filled in the blanks. It’s funny; before this day I never thought of my Grandma as having a past. Prior to our breakfast, she was just Grandma who had always been here and would always be here. Grandma who had wet, juicy kisses for me whenever I came over to her house, who made jello fluff and always had Hostess treats for us grandkids~even if we were grown who had kids of our own. After that day I viewed her in a different light. Now she was a woman with a history and feelings and stories to share and a lot of spitfire still in her. This multidimensional woman caught my imagination and I wanted to know more, more, more!

Last Wednesday, My Aunt told me she was ready to go, that Grandma said she wanted to go “home and see Ma & Dad and her sister.”  She left us on Thursday.

As I was trailing off to sleep last night, I imagined her journey to heaven. She was seven again. Her dad had packed up the family and they were camping along the roadside under the brightly shining stars and moon. It was her family’s penultimate road trip together.

And I could hear Grandma laugh out loud.